My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
