you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
