with your own penis?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
