I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
