True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancรฉ bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
