he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
