then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
