I think my vagina is haunted
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
