the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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