It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she told me i tasted like america
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
