Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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