barbara walters just said penis...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
