Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
