so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
