i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
