he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.