Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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