You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
