home. puking in laundry basket.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
