i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
