Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
