What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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