you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
