just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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