My brain says no but my pants say off.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
