um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need to calm my uterus...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
