u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
