when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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