I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
