remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
NoShamevember. You game?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
