He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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