Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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