Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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