just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I heard we made out
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
