Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
