Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
