do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
