Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize