there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
