wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize