Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
