All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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