I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
