found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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