so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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