i jhust puked up my retainher.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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