Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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