God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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