i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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