oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.