Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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