my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize