Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
