I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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