imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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