I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
