im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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