Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
