i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
