just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
