I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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