I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
