By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
