Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.

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(720): View more from Colorado

turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"

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(586): View more from Michigan

you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up

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(618): View more from Illinois

Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.

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(708): View more from Illinois

For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?

(773): View more from Illinois

To be honest, kinda.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...

(434): View more from Virginia

I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade

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(845): View more from New York

It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.

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