i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
