Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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